NASCAR racing driver Dale Jr. talks openly about his grief, growth and new gig in latest ESPN The Magazine Cover Story: NASCAR Sprint Cup #88-Dale Earnhardt Jr. has spent the seven years since his father’s death learning how to live without him. In the cover story for ESPN The Magazine, All grown up, Dale Jr. talks in depth publicly for the first time about the pain of losing his dad, who was killed in a crash at the Daytona 500 in 2001.

Writer Marty Smith reveals that since Junior left the family business, Dale Earnhardt, Inc. (and affiliation with Dale Sr.s third wife Teresa Earnhardt), for NASCAR juggernaut Hendrick Motorsports this season, he’s finally feeling like himself again. "When my dad died, I was numb, blind. I just kept moving. Going. doing. It was horrible. The further away from it I get, the more I understand how I went through it.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. I didn’t talk about it because it wasn’t something I wanted to preach. Oh, I lost my Daddy, woe is me, and I gotta go through life without him. I didn’t want that message. I ain’t got nothing against her. She might have something against me, I don’t’ know." (Dale Earnhardt Jr. regarding Teresa Earnhardt, who declined to be interviewed for the story.)

ESPN The Magazine was granted exclusive access to Juniors property and Whiskey River, the replica Wild West town he’s built on his 200 acres of land in North Carolina. The issue is on newsstands Wednesday, May 7. ESPNthemag.com will exhibit a complementary photo gallery and a behind the story by Smith, who lost his own father while writing the piece on Dale Jr. See the full story at ESPNthemag.com.